As 2024 draws to a close, many of us will be looking to the year ahead and the opportunities that the fresh start of a new year provides for personal growth. The promise of a ‘New Year, New Me’ feels like it’s just one resolution away.
And I have to admit I find that there’s something undeniably alluring about the promise of a fresh start. As the calendar flips to January 1st, we’re bombarded with messages urging us to reinvent ourselves, set lofty goals and become the 'best version' of ourselves. For many, the tradition of setting New Year’s resolutions represents hope, optimism and a chance to break free from old habits.
While the tradition of goal-setting is rooted in self-development, the process can quickly become a breeding ground for unrealistic expectations, self-criticism and relentless pressure.
And for many - especially for those who struggle with anxiety - this seemingly positive ritual can quickly become a source of stress, self-doubt and overwhelming pressure, which not only exacerbates anxiety symptoms but keeps us further away from that best version.
Instead of motivating you, these goals often serve as a reminder of everything you aren't or haven’t achieved, amplifying the inner critic that so many people with anxiety already grapple with daily.
Now I’m not suggesting that you should ditch goals altogether - far from it. Setting goals can provide direction, purpose, and a sense of accomplishment, all of which are incredibly valuable.
So let me share with you why your New Year’s resolutions might be fuelling your anxiety and what healthier and practical alternatives there are that can help you approach the new year with a sense of balance, self-compassion and a focus on meaningful and realistic intentions.
The All-or-Nothing Mindset
Resolutions often come packaged with this rigid ‘black-and-white’ type thinking. Phrases like “I’ll work out every day” or “I’ll never eat sugar again” sound motivating in the moment but leave no room for life’s inevitable fluctuations.
When life gets messy - because it always does! - and you miss a workout or cave into a slice of cake, it can feel like you’ve failed entirely (if you want to learn more about why we’re more likely to reach for high fat, sugary foods when we’re stressed check out my weight management blog here).
Setting a resolution like ‘I’ll never eat sugar again' is just unachievable. Sugar is in everything and even fruits have sugar (this is a topic for whole other blog post!). Resolutions like this are overly restrictive and ignore the realities of life, where flexibility and balance are key.
When you inevitably slip up - whether it’s having dessert at a friend’s birthday or eating a piece of candy during a stressful day - you’re likely to feel like you’ve failed completely.
This 'all-or-nothing' mindset sets you up for frustration, guilt and eventually giving up altogether, rather than building a sustainable approach to healthier habits. Instead of striving for perfection, it’s far more effective to set realistic, flexible goals that leave room for enjoyment and imperfection.
For people with anxiety, this perceived 'failure' can lead to spiralling thoughts, self-criticism and a sense of inadequacy. Instead of motivating you, resolutions with an all-or-nothing approach leave you feeling defeated way before February rolls around.
Resolutions Add Extra Pressure to 'Get It Right'
The start of the year often carries a sense of societal urgency to ‘fix’ yourself or accomplish something grand. This external pressure amplifies the already critical internal dialogue that many people with anxiety face.
Want to know something ironic?
The more pressure you put on yourself to succeed, the more overwhelming the task becomes. As a result, even small, manageable goals can feel insurmountable, leading to procrastination and guilt. This puts us in the critical part of our brain, which behaves negatively and irrationally meaning we’re more likely to exhibit behaviours that are self-sabotaging rather than self-improving.
Resolutions Can Trigger Perfectionism
For perfectionists, resolutions can become a trap. Instead of creating space for growth, the resolutions we create amplify an underlying fear of failure.
And boy, does anxiety thrives on this perfectionist loop!
You set an ambitious goal, fall short of unrealistic standards and then criticise yourself for not measuring up. This keeps you stuck in the anxiety/stress cycle where you continue to set unrealistic goals, fail to meet them and then feel like the biggest failure.
This constant striving to meet impossible expectations will often leave you feeling worse than when you started. What should be a process of self-improvement ends up being a cycle of shame and self-doubt.
Resolutions Often Overlook Your Mental Health Needs
Resolutions often focus on surface-level goals or external changes, like losing weight, being more productive or saving money. While these are worthwhile goals to have, they don’t often consider the deeper emotional patterns, mental health struggles or habits that drive your actions and choices.
Here are some key themeses I see when clients first come to my practice:
Emotional eating and weight loss goals: If your resolution is to lose weight but you haven’t addressed the emotional triggers behind overeating - such as stress, boredom, or anxiety - any progress you make through strict dieting or exercise is likely to be temporary. The underlying emotional discomfort will eventually resurface, leading to the same coping mechanisms you were trying to overcome.
Burnout and productivity goals: If you set a resolution to ‘be more productive’ without addressing the chronic stress or perfectionism that leads to procrastination or burnout, you’re likely find yourself in the same cycle of overworking, exhaustion and frustration. Here you’re trying to treat the symptoms without tackling the cause.
Fear of failure and taking on new challenges: If anxiety or a fear of failure holds you back, setting bold resolutions like ‘I’m going to start a business’ or ‘change careers’ might feel inspiring at first but it can then quickly lead to paralysis when those fears remain unchecked. Without addressing the mental blocks, the overwhelming nature of such resolutions may cause you to abandon them altogether.
For someone with anxiety, setting goals without considering your mental well-being can feel like putting a wet paper towel on a deeper issue.
I see this all the time in my practice, where clients want to commit to ‘waking up at 5am every day’ because the self-help books tell you it's the way to be more productive and effective.
It might sound like a good habit, but if your anxiety keeps you up at night, this resolution will only exacerbate your stress because you’re not getting enough time to rest and emptying your stress bucket to think and act rationally (learn more about your stress bucket here).
Neglecting your mental health in pursuit of a resolution can worsen feelings of inadequacy and exhaustion. As a result your efforts are likely to be short-lived or ineffective.
Resolutions Ignore the Importance of the Journey
Anxiety is very black-and-white and often fixates on outcomes: Will I succeed or will I fail?
And resolutions tend to focus on the destination rather than the journey. They often focus heavily on achieving a specific outcome, such as losing 5kg, earning a promotion or saving a set amount of money. This can make the process of working towards a goal feel overwhelming.
While these big goals can provide a sense of direction, they tend to ignore the importance of the journey: the day-to-day habits, learning experiences and personal growth that happens along the way. This fixation on the destination creates a mindset where success is only measured by whether you’ve checked the box at the end of the year, leaving little room to celebrate the incremental progress or lessons learned along the path.
For people with anxiety, this can be especially problematic because it creates an overwhelming pressure to achieve the outcome while overlooking the small, meaningful wins that build confidence and momentum.
For example, if your resolution is to 'lose 4 stone,' the small, meaningful steps like adopting healthier eating habits, going for a daily walk or learning to listen to your body might feel insignificant compared to the ultimate goal of hitting your target weight.
As a result, you may begin to feel discouraged or frustrated if the scale doesn’t immediately reflect your efforts. This fixation on the end result can make the journey feel like a relentless grind rather than an opportunity to build a healthier, more sustainable lifestyle and develop a positive relationship with your body.
Additionally, by focusing solely on the result, you miss out on opportunities to adjust your goals based on what you learn along the way.
Life is rarely linear (where would the fun in that be hey!?) and the journey toward any meaningful goal often involves setbacks, detours and re-evaluations. When you prioritise the process, you can remain flexible and resilient, finding joy and purpose in each small step instead of fixating on whether or not you’ve achieved perfection.
How to Set Goals Without Increasing Anxiety
If New Year’s resolutions leave you feeling anxious rather than empowered, it may be time to rethink how you approach your goals. Here are some anxiety-friendly alternatives to traditional resolutions:
Focus on intentions, not outcomes
Instead of rigid goals, set flexible intentions. For example, replace 'I will lose 2 stone' with the intention that 'I will prioritise preparing and eating nourishing foods and moving my body.' Intentions focus on the journey rather than the destination, creating space for progress without perfection.
Start small and specific
It’s great to have that bigger goal to aim towards but break down your big goals into smaller, actionable steps. For instance, if you want to improve your fitness, commit to walking for 10 minutes, three times a week rather than 'I will go to the gym every day.'
Shifting the focus from the destination to the journey not only reduces anxiety but also fosters a deeper connection to the present moment, making the experience of working toward your goals more fulfilling and sustainable. Small, consistent wins are less intimidating and you're more likely to keep at it in the long run.
Practice self-compassion
Remember that setbacks are part of the process. Instead of berating yourself for a perceived failure, practice talking to yourself as you would a close friend: with kindness, patience, and encouragement.
Reframe resolutions as experiments
Treat your goals as experiments rather than rigid commitments. If something doesn’t work, it’s not a failure - it’s feedback. This mindset shift helps alleviate the pressure to be perfect and creates space for curiosity and growth.
Prioritise your mental health
Mental health and emotional well-being form the foundation for any sustainable change. If those foundations aren’t strong, even the most well-intentioned resolutions can crumble under the weight of unresolved issues.
Consider resolutions that nurture your mental health, like journaling, meditating or setting boundaries. These goals can help lay the foundation for emotional resilience, making it easier to tackle other areas of your life.
Additionally, ignoring mental health challenges can create a cycle of shame or self-blame when you fail to meet your goals, which only deepens the emotional distress you were hoping to escape.
Ultimately, addressing the emotional and mental health factors behind your habits ensures that your resolutions are not just temporary fixes but meaningful, lasting transformations. When you focus on healing the root cause and recreating your identity, your goals become more realistic, manageable and aligned with your overall well-being. This approach shifts the emphasis from 'fixing' yourself (a term I'm not a fan of because you aren't a broken object) to understanding and supporting yourself, which leads to a more fulfilling and compassionate journey toward change.
New Year’s resolutions don’t have to be anxiety-inducing
By shifting your focus away from rigid goals and toward self-compassionate intentions, you can start the year feeling empowered rather than overwhelmed. Remember, growth isn’t about perfection - it’s about progress.
This year, give yourself permission to embrace imperfection and celebrate the small wins along the way. Your mental health will thank you for it.
Wishing you a happy, healthy New Year filled with peace, growth and positive change.
Nicole x
Solution Focused Hypnotherapy can be a powerful tool in helping you achieve your goals while managing the anxiety that often accompanies them. By combining the science of hypnosis with a solution-focused approach, it can help you focus on your strengths, break down overwhelming tasks into manageable steps and shift your mindset toward positive, achievable outcomes. Instead of dwelling on past struggles, solution-focused hypnotherapy empowers you to envision and work toward a future where you feel confident and in control.
If you’re ready to approach your goals with clarity, calm and confidence, get in touch to learn how solution-focused hypnotherapy can support you on your journey.
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